The House for a Family

The House for a Family

-         -  Adat and religious obligation

Alhamdulillah, after quite a gruelling and protracted experience, we are able to finally complete the renovation of our beloved house. Instead of four month as promised by the original contractor, the long drawn project has taken us more than a year to finish.

Having to move out and spent 8 months in a rented town-house and forcing our family to move into the semi completed house have been nothing but an agonising and painful experience. In the process I was hospitalised and had to go through a major operation at the IJN – a quadruple by-pass to my heart.

Of course like many other construction or renovation projects, there were modifications or VOs (variation orders) which probably contributed partly to prolonging the project completion – other than the poor project management by the original contractor.  In the end, we ourselves have to take over the project. The final finishing touch of the house was completed with the help of transient Indonesian workers and my children, especially the boys.

Despite the many broken promises and the ensuing inconveniences mainly due to the delay in project completion, we are thankful to Allah for what that original contractor may have initially contributed towards the house renovation project.  

Be that as it may, I also thank Allah for giving me a family which has always been very supportive and most understanding. Accordingly the house was coerced to be ready for official function on Friday 3^rd June, 2011. Indeed, we were able to host the first major event quite successfully on the following day – 4^th June 2001 – i.e. the first “akad nikah” ceremony among my offspring.

It was historical and most joyful occasion for the family to be performing our first solemnisation of the marriage which coincided with my 60^th birthday, and the house warming.  The attendance of some 120 preselected guests comprising close family members, immediate neighbours and some friends of the family gave credence to the ceremony. A big thank you to Imam/Juru Nikah Haji Salleh for formalising the “akad nikah”  

The run up to the ceremony was a big test for the family (as first timer). The pressure of having to complete the finishing touch for the house at the same time of having to decorate the interior and prepare the religious and cultural (adat) requirements for the “akad nikah” was tremendous.

Thank to Allah for His mercy and guidance, the ceremony went beautifully and almost flawlessly. We hope to be hosting the wedding ceremony by year end in a proper hall to accommodate more invitees, insyaAllah. It is the beginning for more of similar events for this big family of seven boys and three girls.

Following the marriage of our daughter Dr. Siti Syaima to Dr. Mohd Aizuddin, we now have a new addition to the family. We welcome him very warmly and pray that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) choose what is best for both of you and protect you.

 As Muslims, we believe that marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman based on purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom. In the contract, each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquillity, contentment and comfort in the company of the other.

The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, as follows:

(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . .) (Qur’an 30:21)

To our daughter, the intellectual, psychological and other qualities of the smart Muslim wife demonstrates that she is the most successful wife and the greatest blessing and good fortune that a man may enjoy. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) indeed spoke the truth when he said:

“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.”

By virtue of your understanding of Islamic teaching, and fulfilling of your duties towards your husband, you become the greatest joy of his life: when he comes home, you greet him with a warm and friendly smile, speaking kindly and sweetly, looking attractive and smart, with a clean and tidy house, pleasant conversation, and a table full of good food, pleasing him and making him happy.

To our new son-in-law by getting married, your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend for the rest of your life. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. The Quranic verse which best describe the closeness of the spouses to each other says:

“they are your garments and you are their garments”.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, and spend quality time with her.  Try to love what she loves as well - her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones.  And always remember that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said:

“the best of you are those who are best to their wives”.

Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car’s door for her, etc. Remember that our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha.

In summary, the relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.